I started my first, unofficial blog in what I think was 1999. It was the early days of the popularity of the internet, and I was a junior in high school. This was before the days of cell phones and iPads, widgets and apps. There was a website called opendiary.com and I was in love. Twelve years later, I’m 28 years old, a mother of soon-to-be four babies, and technology has come an insanely long way. I’ve considered blogging before, have been told to blog before, but I never seemed to stick with it. Life is pretty crazy these days, and I’m realizing the merits of having somewhere to bitch. I also recognize the incredible journeys my family and I are on at present and I’m hopeful that they will ring a tone of familiarity with someone out there and make them feel just a little less alone in the universe.
I’ll start off this blog with a vent session. I am married into a highly dysfunctional family. It’s not as if my own biological family is any less dysfunctional; it’s just that S’s family takes the cake for insane. His parents were bikers in the 70’s and 80’s – the Harley Davidson type, not the helmet and waterbottle type. They were also drug addicts – especially his mother. When they got pregnant with my husband (the first of four boys) in 1981, they cut out the cocaine, the crack, the crystal meth… and just kept the tobacco and booze (although there is a story about an acid trip while taking a pregnancy test in circulation). His dad never went back to drugs (unless you’re counting prescription pills, which I do), and his mom did. Long story short, when my husband was twelve years old, his parents accidentally got pregnant with twin boys. They had been “done” parenting, and so these two boys – now 16 years old – were parented with significantly less enthusiasm than my husband and his brother were a decade or more before. There were many trials throughout their young lives – divorce, drug addiction, rehabilitation, work-a-holism, bankruptcy, the list goes on. No one was shocked when the twins turned into drug addicts in their very early teenage years. But the situation is so out of control these days. They are both in jail at the moment, addicted to synthetic cocaine and heroin (these synthetic drugs, I tell you, are a problem!). Now, I don’t inherently have issues with people using drugs. That’s their prerogative and I don’t see it being the government’s place to attempt (unsuccessfully) to regulate drug use in adults. But to watch what these two boys have gone through is appalling. S and I tried desperately to get his brothers into rehabilitation programs (outside of court-ordered ones that have never worked for them) last month, and to get his mom – now a full-time alcoholic in place of methhead – into an alcohol program. The twins were refused because their insurance wouldn’t cover it and it was something like $16,000 per month per kid. His mom, nor surprisingly, bailed on even outpatient treatment and we were left at square one. We did what we could, but at some point, people just have to help themselves.
So I was reading the two local newspaper websites today and came across three articles about the arrest of my brothers-in-law and their two friends. It outlined their crime spree of the last two months, the three police forces it took to catch them, the thefts of metal, prescription drugs, them robbing houses. A year ago, one of my brothers-in-law was living with us. We were very close. He told me of his desire to try heroin. We talked about it extensively and the consequences. They were two of our groomsmen last summer in our wedding. Now, they are both locked up. The younger twin is in jail for 9 months, possibly being held until his 21st birthday, if he doesn’t cooperate with the program. Nobody is sure yet what the other twin will be sentenced to. It is such a mess. I’m so sad and angry for them. Their parents, the system, maybe even we have failed them. I wonder what the future holds for them. They live in a different world than their big brothers and I grew up in, just twelve years later – in the very same house in the very same town.